Goodness

We just celebrated our four year wedding anniversary.

We made some last minute plans to go play some pool and head out for a celebratory dinner. As grandma arrived to watch over the kiddos and amidst the rush to get ready and out the door, I realised I had made the colossal mistake of not forewarning our three year old that we were leaving for the evening.

She likes to know the plan.

So while we did eventually manage to avert that crisis, we had to skip the plans for pool, and instead headed directly to the restaurant.

While our dinner was a simple way to celebrate, it was peaceful and enjoyable to simply sit together and reminisce on some of the big moments we have shared in such a short time. It seems like we have managed to pack quite a lot in over those four years - almost three kids (oh yeah, we are awaiting a Christmas baby:), serious surgery, ongoing health issues, financial challenges, house renos, responsibilities with extended family etcetera.

Admittedly, as parents to two young children, we probably shared a happy if slightly haggard outward appearance. We found ourselves grateful for our blessings, above all each other and our beautiful children; as well as feeling grounded and hopeful, because through the challenges we have established some very basic certainties about what ultimately matters and what doesn’t. 

Even though we booked in only a few hours earlier, we somehow managed to find ourselves seated at one of the few second floor tables with a view overlooking the city. The sun shone warmly on our backs as we observed a beautiful clear sky and the township and harbour below.

The physical ‘birds eye view’ of the world below, seemed to echo into my thoughts, as I reflected on the ‘bigger picture’ reality of our present lives, beyond the ‘us’ of this moment. While some of our personal certainties have grown more secure over time, the certainties we’ve held about our own country and the world at large have been called more and more into question by the day and actually at times, the hour. 

Reading, listening, watching...it is of such concern, all the ways that legitimate and constructive discussion, rights, questions, freedoms, have been cut off, even denied and, most disturbingly, people not seeing how they are being turned against each other with so much shaming, scapegoating and vitriol. It seems like the inescapable, no longer just on the news but often overheard at the grocery store, the pharmacy, social gatherings... well, really anywhere there are humans. I alternate between firm hope in our ability to find common ground and deep concern about the messages my children will see and hear around them, and what they think is ok to do or say to another human being or an entire group of people.

Shifting focus from these musings of the worldwide realities (that I can never fully escape, and I daresay, most of us can’t), I noticed a family at the table nearest us. There was a couple in their sixties and, I presumed, their two university aged children. I noted how interested they were in each other’s conversation and how respectful their body language seemed as a family. And yet I felt a tinge of sadness as I thought of how utterly divided and distrustful people seemed to be of each other in our present climate. If these people knew my thoughts on life, politics, the latest media article...would they still send a smile our way? Could we have a friendly conversation or would there by an immediate emotional barrier? Somehow, our media in particular has transformed what might have been a normal neighbourly interaction into reactions of distrust, judgment, resentment and fear among ordinary people. I tried not to dwell on the sentiment and put it to one side to enjoy this moment with my husband, as one has to learn to do in times such as we are living.

We dipped our house-baked breads into delicious basil pesto, olive oil and dukkah and ordered our rib-eye steak and chicken filo mains.

Meanwhile, the family beside us slipped away and others replaced them as we relished the restaurant made food, (and particularly not having to feed others while doing so), the peaceful moment and simplicity of each other’s company.

Not long after, the waitress delivered our dishes with a curious smile on her face.

“I have some good news about your meal tonight.” She said as she set down our main course, “The gentleman who was sitting at that table there has paid for your whole meal. He hopes you have a wonderful evening”.

Flushed with surprise, embarrassment and gratitude, we tried to catch him, but he had left some minutes before. 

As we marvelled at the generosity of a complete stranger, and wondered why he decided to do this for us (perhaps he remembered embarking on life as a parent and thought - seeing my belly - that this was our first rodeo?), whatever it was, it was an extremely kind thing to do.

Needless to say, the township and larger uncertainties of society at large blurred and the goodness of the strangers sitting right next to us came into focus.

A simple yet truly generous act made a new and deep impression on my sense of humanity that evening. In a time when the media would have us believe that we should live in constant alternating states of anger and fear, it was a humbling experience of the power of spontaneous, free, human goodness.

It is still alive and it is real.